Just your average school morning. Eating breakfast, chatting, me + Mr 5. When he turns to me, looking concerned and very thoughtful.
Jackson: “Mummy I will miss you when you die!”
Me: I think my heart just physically broke, what do you say to that? “I will miss you too, honey.”
Jackson: “I know death is part of life Mum, but I will still miss you.”
Me: oh, proud Mummy Moment “Good, I’m glad you will miss me + yes that’s right honey it is part of life. And that’s why we make the most of….”
Jackson: “Yes I know, that’s why we make the most of everyday”
Jackson: “but I’m young so I’m not going to die for ages ah?”
Me: “Well I certainly hope not, but even young people die sometimes. It’s our job to look after ourselves as best we can.”
Jackson: “That includes eating my veges, ah Mum?”
Me: “well yes Jackson, it does. Ice cream doesn’t quite cut in on the nutrient front.”
Jackson: “but I can still have it sometimes can’t I Mum?”
Me: “yes sometimes Jackson”
I’m not a good liar. Never have been. So, I talk about the spirit of Father Christmas, the energy of the Easter Bunny, that the tooth fairy is very much alive and well within me + I talk of the magic in the world & in our bodies as I see it.
My son has such trust in me, I can’t bring myself to betray that trust. Maybe I’m a killjoy, I just can’t do it – not even for Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny + the Tooth Fairy.
I also can’t avoid a very real part of life, something that one day will be very real for him – dealing with death.
I’m not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. However, it will happen one day and I pray that he will have to bury me and not I, him.
Jackson is the son of two older parents.
The Grandson of older Grandparents.
We have a ten-year-old dog.
He has a Mother that has had two diagnoses of cancer, one of them supposedly terminal (Spoiler Alert – still here!).
And he has a Nana that neither of us have ever meet.
I don’t want there to be any great surprises in life, about something that is 100% certain to happen. While I understand I can’t prepare him – I can at least have the conversation + be open to the conversation. That conversation is important to me because it opens the door to keeping his Nana alive in our hearts.
It respects the women that raised a man that both Jackson and I adore.
And while it might be sad at times, not nearly as sad as not acknowledging Nana Cynthia.
Being complete selfish, it’s about me too.
There is a chance that I will not meet my own Grandchildren. You see it’s all a numbers game, so there is a chance that I will never meet my own grandchildren. I don’t want to be famous or well known, I am my own legend and that’s almost enough for me.
However, I would feel very honoured and privileged if my son remembered me when I am gone + maybe even talked of me with my Grandchildren (if he has children) – no matter how hard and painful it may be.
Just like it is for us with Nana Cynthia.
Dear Cynthia, we love you + Jackson and I are very sad our lives here on this earth did not have our paths cross.
We feel that you must have been a very special person to have raised a son as wonderful as Steve. He is very loved + a happy man.
Thank you. Love Di + Jackson xx
P.S. you were right, he has made the bestest Wife. Di xx
P.S.S. Foster Tomato Soup + Cynthia’s sultana cake are very much alive and well.